Parenting is tough. I had a conversation with a really good friend last night and a parent that I think is a great parent. She made a comment to me that I thought all parents at one point or another make. She said, “You know, sometimes I know I suck as a parent.” Can you relate with that comment?
I’m ok with that comment because it is about awareness. We can’t expect parents to be perfect and always exercising great parenting skills every minute of every day. Sometimes parents have had a bad day, something happened at work, a migraine headache, loss of a friend, bad news received, and the list could go on and on. It’s hard to stop everything emotionally when you get home to focus on the nagging children wanting this and wanting that. Whereas sometimes, it is best to just sit them in front of the television or just say, “Yes!” to get them to leave you alone.
I understand . . . It’s ok!
However, it is the start of a new year for your kids. School is getting tougher with greater demands academically that will place greater stress on your children. Teenagers are tougher on each other than ever before too. Parents play a huge role in the self-esteem of a children and teenagers.
I’m not talking about telling your children they are great and that they are wonderful, smart, and beautiful too. I think you should tell your kids this every day, but what does it do when you tell your kids this but they don’t believe it themselves? What if they don’t have positive self-talk? What can you do? How do we change this? Here are three simple tips for parents to help your child with self-esteem, influences, character development, and grades.
1. Money doesn’t buy love, but time does. You can buy them everything they need but what they need more than anything is your time. Spend at least 30 minutes a day in meaningful conversation with your children. The average family spends less than 30 seconds a day in meaningful conversation. That is less than 3 minutes a week. Let’s not let computers, iPhones, iPads, and video games replace the family interaction and togetherness that should be a part of your family every day. During this time, be real with your kids, get to know them, ask about their music, listen to their music, maybe get them to listen to your music, talk about responsibilities, bills, cars, school, work, go for walks together, cook together, eat together, etc. Get the point. Spend time together! I’m only asking for 30 minutes a day! A healthy dog needs 15 minutes a day of your time to be happy. I think our children are more important and valuable to us than our dogs . . . Don’t answer that one!
2. Discipline is not what you do to your children it is what you do for them. Parents are not their children’s friends. This means that you do say, “No!” and they NEED to hear you. This means that “No” is a “No” and you don’t compromise or go back on your word or even give in. You make a decision and it is final. Parents should know where their kids are, who they are playing with, who their friends are, what their parents names are, are the parents home, etc. Also, every parent should have their kids Facebook password and be checking their pages consistently and teaching them appropriate internet behaviors and what is right and what is wrong. This is not being a nagging parent, this is being a caring and concerned parent. If your child is a doing the right thing, your child shouldn’t be concerned about you knowing what they are doing or whether or not they are hiding something.
3. Don’t lie to your children. Telling them they are special is one thing. Telling them they are perfect is another. When your child walks outside your house they must understand that to their teachers, coaches, or anyone else, they are nobody more special than any other child there at that point. Be real and honest with your children. Let them know that life is hard and the strong survive. Get them to think on their feet and have to deal with real life tough situations. Let them work through issues and problems without you trying to save them. Tough times build character and you aren’t supposed to always be there to kiss their boo boo and fix their problems. You can’t fix kids. You fix cats and dogs, not children. Children we teach, we encourage, support, motivate, and inspire. Life happens and it’s the greatest lesson learned. Being honest with your children and letting them think things through with your support and listening can help them grow.
Back to my friends comment earlier. We are not perfect parents and sometimes we can’t give anymore. That is ok . . . Don’t beat yourself up. However, in our priorities in life our family should always be number 1. Make the time and effort to build a great family.
As a parent the one thing that will always hold you accountable in the upbringing of your children is TIME! How do you spell love? T-I-M-E!
————————————
Jeff Yalden is a teen motivational speaker and teen expert. Jeff speaks to high schools and middle schools about choices, respect, and responsibility. Please visit www.JeffYalden.com.