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Adolescence, Child, Counseling, Counselors, Discipline, Educational Consultant, Facebook, Family, Family Counseling, Family Life Coach, Home, Jeff Yalden, Parent, Parental Advice, Parents, Parents Relationship with their Child, Raising Children on the Internet, Teen Advice, Teen Counseling, Teen Expert, Teen Life Coach, Teen Speaker, United States, University of Alaska Anchorage, Youth Speaker
Facebook is becoming more and more a way of teens communicating with one another. Facebook is taking away a child being outside and growing up on the playground with their friends playing kickball, tag, kick the can, climbing trees, beating up the neighbor, and all those fun things we used to do when we were kids. Facebook is becoming the “Thing to do” for today’s teens in middle school and high school. Think about it . . . It’s instant gratification and a way to meet new people and be silly without having to worry about eye contact. The internet has made it very easy for today’s teens to act out of character without having to worry about face to face interactions. What teens don’t know is that everything on the internet is permanent. I think I’d like to write more on teens and internet, texting, sexting, youtube, Facebook, myspace, and all computer usage. My brother is a Secret Service Agent and shares a lot of stories. I am a youth expert / teen expert so I see it all too. However, the motivation behind this article is more personal because it involves people I am close to and watching their behaviors. I am concerned and it’s alarming.
If you are a parent and your children are on Facebook or use the internet frequently, do you know their passwords? Do you monitor what they are doing? Who their friends are online? Their ages? Their use of language, pictures, content, or their profile information? You probably don’t and this is the first step in addressing these issues.
You are probably thinking to yourself, “Jeff, I already sound like I am nagging and if I do anything more I am going to drive my teenager further and further away.” Listen, I am feeling the PINK ELEPHANT in the room and it’s large. Avoiding the issue is not the answer here. It is only cause of further issues down the line. Being a parent isn’t about being your child’s best friend.
As a matter of fact, I want to hear from the parents whose kids say, “I hate you!” That probably because you are doing a good job and teaching your children right from wrong and protecting them from the outside world. Let me hear from those parents who care less about acceptance from their teenager and more about being their teenagers parents and gaining their respect in the long wrong.
We as parents have a responsibility to be parents and teach our kids right from wrong. To teach them righteousness over happiness. To teach them that instant gratification probably isn’t good in the long run. We have to teach our kids about growing up and being people of character and not reputation. “Jeff, my kids just want to be accepted.” I know . . . All kids do! But my question is, “Who are they seeking acceptance from?” Are these the right people of character you want your child seeking acceptance from? Probably not and that is why as parents you need to understand that being a parent and taking hold of the reigns means that it will probably get worse before it gets better.
I watch and hear this so often from parents I speak and work with. It saddens me that parents are stepping back and losing their children to society and societies internet craze.
Listen, the bottom line is this. You are a parent and need to act like a parent. This means setting boundaries and being too involved. Your kid doesn’t like it – Too bad! Our job as parents is to be parents and raise our kids. This means we will discipline them and correct bad behaviors. This means setting the right examples. This means saying, “NO!” If we don’t do this now, we will lose our kids and they will start telling you “No!” When they start telling you “No”, you have just experienced a major sign saying, “You are losing your child and they don’t respect you anymore.”
You need to monitor your children and what they are doing. You need to know their passwords and who their friends are. You need to be involved. That is being a parent.
Here is a tip: My niece was visiting and she wanted to know if her friend can come. The first thing I asked, “Is your friend on your Facebook page?” “What is her name?” “Let me see . . . ” I took a few minutes and checked out her Facebook page through my nieces. I looked at her wall, information page, photos, and made the determination of whether or not I wanted her friend to come down.
My niece is a great kid. I admire her character and her personality and her friends are beautiful young ladies too. Of course, after checking out the page I answered with, “Absolutely!”
I think this is a great way of checking into your child’s friends and accepting them as people you want your child to hang with. I’m just an uncle to my nieces and nephews, but I am involved. I am a father to my two daughters and I am involved. Sometimes, this means tough love, but in the end I am a parent and an uncle. Being cool is not what I strive for, but being cool is what I am because I am real and honest with them. Every day is a teachable moment and sometimes seeing right and wrong is the opportunity as parents to take a minute and explain.
Get involved and be a great parent.
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Jeff Yalden is a teen expert and family life coach. Jeff is also one of the most sought after teen youth motivational speakers in America today. Since 1992, Jeff has addressed teen and family audiences all over the world. For more information about Jeff Yalden, please visit www.JeffYaldenLifeCoaching.com and/or www.JeffYalden.com for speaking and appearances.